Bethann died 3 years ago today

I am just sitting here thinking about Bethann and how much I love and miss her. I can't believe it has been 3 years already since she died. We were on our way home from Utah when we received the call. My heart was breaking. It's still breaking my heart. I find it hard to believe that I can't just call her on the phone anymore and tell her everything that is going on here. She was a good big sister even though sometimes we would fight when we were growing up. Here is a picture of her when she was in elementary school.

I remember when we were younger, I thought she was so grown up. We all shared a room, Patty, Julie, Bethann and I. Bethann and Julie shared a bed and Patty and I shared a bed. I was scared of thunder and of the sound of fire whistles. When it would thunder, I would run to Bethann and Julie's bed and try to get close to Bethann to take care of me and protect me. She always acted annoyed at first, but I could tell she really was glad to be able to take care of me. The fire whistles scared me because I thought that the whistle meant that my house was on fire. I know it's silly now, but it was the thought process of a little girl. Bethann protected me then and told me that it would be ok and our house was not on fire. It was always very comforting for me. She was a good big sister and I miss her so much.

I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and go back to the days when I was still young and carefree. It's hard to realize that I am a grown woman with children of my own sometimes. I still sometimes feel like I am playing house and pretending to be a mom and wife. It's just strange. I dreamed of this as a little girl and now, here I am. I am grown up and I have my family and my life.