Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Bethann died 3 years ago today

I am just sitting here thinking about Bethann and how much I love and miss her. I can't believe it has been 3 years already since she died. We were on our way home from Utah when we received the call. My heart was breaking. It's still breaking my heart. I find it hard to believe that I can't just call her on the phone anymore and tell her everything that is going on here. She was a good big sister even though sometimes we would fight when we were growing up. Here is a picture of her when she was in elementary school.

I remember when we were younger, I thought she was so grown up. We all shared a room, Patty, Julie, Bethann and I. Bethann and Julie shared a bed and Patty and I shared a bed. I was scared of thunder and of the sound of fire whistles. When it would thunder, I would run to Bethann and Julie's bed and try to get close to Bethann to take care of me and protect me. She always acted annoyed at first, but I could tell she really was glad to be able to take care of me. The fire whistles scared me because I thought that the whistle meant that my house was on fire. I know it's silly now, but it was the thought process of a little girl. Bethann protected me then and told me that it would be ok and our house was not on fire. It was always very comforting for me. She was a good big sister and I miss her so much.

I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and go back to the days when I was still young and carefree. It's hard to realize that I am a grown woman with children of my own sometimes. I still sometimes feel like I am playing house and pretending to be a mom and wife. It's just strange. I dreamed of this as a little girl and now, here I am. I am grown up and I have my family and my life.

Keeping this up...

I have been going at a hundred miles an hour for the last few months and I really need to slow down a bit. The kids are good, school is good, and my job...well, that is good too. The kids finish school the end of May. In the summer, we hope we will be able to go to Pennsylvania to see my family again. It has been 6 years. My school will be done in a couple of weeks and I am ready for a little break although I do miss school when I am not taking classes. I won't take any in the summer. The exchange students have been great. It has been a great year working with them as the FLEX cluster leader and I just feel so sad to see them all making plans to go back to their own countries. I can't believe the school year is ending for them. It's always hard to see them off at the airport. Seems like they just arrived. But, I can't change that part of the experience. I enjoy the kids so much and it seems that I keep coming back to be with these students year after year.